Bavarian Beefstick

I got a call to help with Building Maintenance duties today to put up blinds in one of our rooms.
I was puzzled by why it was such an emergency that we had to get temp blinds for the room until we could get real ones in the next couple days.

It appears that every Saturday one of our employees comes in, in the afternoon, to work extra hours and after biking in they change on the 4th floor conference room.
On the fourth floor with the lights on...
And they wear biker shorts under their sweats... and nothing else.

When I asked them if they understood that there had not been blinds they said that all they could see was their reflection in the window.
I spent 20 minutes explaining how, their reflection was visible due to the light reflection on the window and that they were showing their manhood to the entire street every night.

I also found out that 3-4 complaints had been lodged about it and they didn't know which company had done it.

Theft Deterrent

Today I was coming into work and a coworker walked in beside me. He started telling me about how people kept stealing his bike but that he had been taking preparations to keep this one from being stolen.

Cut to 5pm tonight. I am walking out with the shift and I wave to the coworker as he turns his bike around and leaps on and pumps his legs a single time to get to the curb.

BOOM! He comes off the curb and the front wheel of his bike crumples like a god damn tin can, he goes flying, his bags go flying and what he had in his bag also went flying.
It was a bicycle pump.

Yep! He let the air out of his tires thinking that would stop thieves. And maybe it did. But he didn't remember to pump them up leapt on that fucker and got 2 feet and that front wheel came off the curb and shredded.

He had obviously thought about it as he had his backpack upzipped but that's as far as he got.