Ordering Magic

A couple days ago while talking to finances.

Me - "Hey, I am going to go get the food and stuff for the party. Did anyone order the items so I can get them?"
Co-worker - "I thought you were buying them."
Me - "Well the email said...and this email was from you...that you were going to."
Coworker - "No it didn't."
Me - "It didn't?"
Coworker - "No."
Me - "Ok... 'I will buy the food' must mean something different than I thought when I read your email."
Coworker - "I guess it did."
Me - "Ok whatever I will go get it."
I go to the store spend about 40 minutes picking out stuff.  I bring it to the lady behind the desk and say to charge it to my company.
Lady - "Oh, we have that. It's under so and so"

Ya, all the items... had been purchased... by that coworker.
When confronted with the items-

Coworker - "I don't know how they got ordered."
Me - "No clue... how they used your name and your personal credit card... copy that."

Case of the Missing Snacks

I hear a childish voice pipe up from the kitchen - "Ah no candy. That sucks."
I am puzzled as I had put more snacks out an hour ago. Some pretty popular snacks just like I had placed the day before.
I go to check. Sure enough the entire package is gone.
But I have a sinking suspicion this time. I check the trash. No wrapper.
I am on a mission.

I find one of the conference rooms. I walk in and the video game console is turned on.  No one is in the room and the furniture is moved around.
I find the trash can and open it. Empty box of cookies.
Tech walks in.
Tech - "Hey."
Me - "Did you take the entire fucking box of cookies?"
Tech - "Ya they had been there all day yesterday and all day today so I took them."
Me - "No they are popular. People ate two boxes."
Tech - "Oh that makes sense. One time I noticed that it was emptier but when I came back there were more. I just thought someone put their cookies back."
Me - "..."
Tech - "..."
Me - "..."
Tech - ... "Do you have any more?"
Me - "No you ate the last ones."
Tech - "Tell me when you have more they are damn good."

Picking Up the Pieces

Awesome.
Same damn person just called

Caller - "I dropped a ton of food on the floor? What do I do?"
Me - "Clean it up."
Caller - "How?"
Me - "What do you mean how? Come on? Get the vacuum and vacuum it up from the carpet, and clean the rest as you would anything."
Caller - "Where's the vacuum?"
(Just an FYI this is the same person who had trouble finding the vacuum last time in the 3x5 closet.)
Me - "In the closet."
Caller - "Which one?"
Hahahahah what the fuck do you say to that? I mean really...what do you say?
So I just said what I was thinking. "The same damn one its been in since you started work here 2 years ago."
Caller - "Oh, ok, thanks I forgot."

*Shakes head*...astounding...astounding. My coworkers, the 2 really intelligent ones, are laughing so hard right at this second that they have had to pause their phones.
I mean this shit is real.
I also have a voicemail from 8:00 this morning that says "I have a problem-" And then the person hung up.
I still haven't gone to talk to them yet.

Short Story

We have spurts of heavy working here and that means tons of projects in the area and within the company.
So during a busy day the following happens.
-2 Doors break
-Keyless locks stop working
-Someone steals a mascot
-Someone LEAVES 3 computers at our doorstep
-I come in to find a shirtless man upside down on the front steps in his own urine and vomit
(I call in my assistant to come in and assist me with all the problems)

And it continues
-3 employees lose their desk keys
-The boss decides to buy a brand new major brand printer and...not get rid of the other one. So we now have a massive car sized printer and a newer smaller one...ah...but we are paying for both
-I go to the store to get snacks. We buy tons. I spend a good deal of time getting it because I know it makes people happy and in truth I enjoy that.
-The employee who takes my receipt sees its from the store I usually go to.
Employee-"Oh you went there."
Me-"Ya they had some deals."
Employee-"Are you going to Costco anytime soon."
Me-"If they have some deals maybe. But this store was cheaper with the same items."
Employee-"Hmmm"
Now I can tell they want to say something but I just don't want to fucking hear it. So I leave.

I find out later from my assistant that the person basically spent 1 hour doing nothing more than BITCHING that I didn't go to Costco. So when he asked the employee why it upset them their ONLY answer was "I like Costco better."
Not Costco brands, or Costco prices...just more...