Picking Up the Pieces

Awesome.
Same damn person just called

Caller - "I dropped a ton of food on the floor? What do I do?"
Me - "Clean it up."
Caller - "How?"
Me - "What do you mean how? Come on? Get the vacuum and vacuum it up from the carpet, and clean the rest as you would anything."
Caller - "Where's the vacuum?"
(Just an FYI this is the same person who had trouble finding the vacuum last time in the 3x5 closet.)
Me - "In the closet."
Caller - "Which one?"
Hahahahah what the fuck do you say to that? I mean really...what do you say?
So I just said what I was thinking. "The same damn one its been in since you started work here 2 years ago."
Caller - "Oh, ok, thanks I forgot."

*Shakes head*...astounding...astounding. My coworkers, the 2 really intelligent ones, are laughing so hard right at this second that they have had to pause their phones.
I mean this shit is real.
I also have a voicemail from 8:00 this morning that says "I have a problem-" And then the person hung up.
I still haven't gone to talk to them yet.

The Missing Vacuum

I come in to work.
People are freaking out. There are 4-5 people in the hallway staring into a closet.
My balls shrink up...this doesn't look good.
I come around. They are talking excitedly.
Me - "Whats wrong?"
Employee 1 - "We can't find the vacuum cleaner and we dropped some coffee grounds."
Mind you the fucking closet is only 3 feet deep and maybe that wide. If its not there for 1 person...good chance 5 won't find it.

I see no vacuum...in the closet. But guess what? A vacuum sits not 5 feet away, yellow as a giant lemon, leaning against the far wall.
Me - "Is that the one you guys are looking for?"   Pointing.
Employee 1 -  ..."Oh ya I moved it yesterday thanks."  Trudges off.
Employee 2 - "Man you must get tired of us huh?"
Me - "Nope its my job. No problems."
Employee 2 - "I appreciate the stuff you do."
Me - "Thanks I -"
Employee 1 - "Hey I think we need another bag for the vacuum."
I look to see that the vacuum labeled with big red letters BAGLESS has spilled its contents on the floor because employee 1 has grabbed it like a child and picked it up...not by the handle.
I had forgotten employee 1 has a small germ thing.   I walk out.

Employee 2 says to employee 1 "Why didn't you grab it by the handle."
Employee 1 giggles "I didn't have any wipes."

I love them all and for some reason this childlike dumb innocence just doesn't bother me.
Employee 2 comes to my desk - "Sorry about that. That must have made you mad"
Me - "If that's the worst that happens today that's fine."
Employee 2 walks off and...right now I am hearing my name being called.