Waterpark Adventures

Here goes.

"Boom splash" The sound of something horrible comes from the kitchen at work.
I go in.
Employee #1 stands there covered in water. The new water filter spraying everywhere.
I rush to turn it off.
Me - "What happened?"
Employee - "I wanted filtered water so I pushed the button."
Me - "What button?"
Employee - "That one"
She points in the general direction of the filter...or maybe the sink.
I look over and see an indicator for filtered and unfiltered and a switch for both. No button. Then I look behind it, on the opposite side, hidden, unlike the FILTERED and UNFILTERED switch, is a small button.
The hidden button reads "Eject Filter"
Me -"This one?" I point.
Employee - "Ya that one."
Me - "These two say filtered and unfiltered its a switch."
Employee - "I didn't think to read them."
I walk away.

Hours go by.
Phone rings.
Me - "How can I help you?"
Employee #2 - "The power is off in my cubicle"
Me - "Ok I will be right there."
I hear coworkers chuckling as they have come to expect weirdness.
I go to the employee's desk. Everything is off, lights, goldfish bowl, computer. Digital phone works but they get there power from the outlets we use.
Me - "What happened"
Her - "I don't know I was just working on a document and everything shut off."
Me - "Ok let me look"

Now a bit of history, just 2 weeks ago this same employee decided to go barefoot for the day at her desk and shut off the power strip with her big toe. That caused me 15 minutes of my life.
So I figure...maybe that. So I go under the desk.
And place my hand firmly in a 1/4 inch of water.
Me - "What the jebus!"
Employee "What?"
Me - "There is water down here. It's all over"
I see a puddle of about 3-4 feet. A wet spot on the carpet. I unplug the power strip which leaks water out of the fucking plug-ins itself and get the hell out of the water.
I stand up. My eyes roll to the fish tank.
"Fuck" I whisper.
Employee - "What?"
Me - "Nothing....so does your fish tank leak?"
Employee - "Nope. Well it is hot so the water has been evaporating faster than normal. It's low sometimes."
Me - "Do you pour water into it?"
Employee - "Ya I did today."
Me - "Just once?"
Employee - ...  "It's been hot."
Me - "So more than once?"
Employee - ... "Ya like four or five times."
Good fucking god!
It's a wonder she didn't blow the entire wall outlet.
I replace the outlet, call some people to clean it.

I come back.
"The fish tank is leaking. You should probably replace it. But no matter what you need to fix it."
I shit you not less than two hours later she was using the fucking coffee maker's coffee pot. Three little nasty goldfish. Now we have a couple extra ones of these so...I guess its not like we will be using it tomorrow but still. What a dicktard.
I tell the boss.
He says "... Again."
I walk out.

The Little Goldfish That Could

And another gem.

I hear a spoon being mulched by the garbage disposal.
So I go to the kitchen.
No one.
The disposal is barely running and in safe mode a little audible alarm going off.
I come to it, unplug it and remove a very warped and bent fork.
Employee is no where to be seen.
Hmmmm.
I go sit down.

"Hey why won't the disposal work." I hear someone yell.
I get up and walk over.
Me - "There was a fork in it, I unplugged it."
Employee - "That was mine. I was cleaning my beta fish bowl and the glass marbles fell down the drain."
Me - "With a fork?"
Employee - "I was using the fork to get them out."
I now notice what the employee has in their hand.
The wet/dry vacuum.
Me - "You were NOT going to try to vacuum the marbles out were you?"
Employee - "No...."
They stand there.
I stand there.
10 seconds of them standing there.
Employee - "Its a wet/dry."

Me - "I am calling someone don't touch it."
Employee - "ok"
I call the plumber who comes in.
The fucking employee had dropped the beta fish in there. And aside from a torn fin he was alive!
That fucker was going to fork that fish out, then wet vac him out.
Well... I guess he was trying.

 Followup:
Mc Scrappy Pants is now on my desk.
I don't care if we are not supposed to have shit like this at our desk.
I saved the little bugger he is mine.