More Garage and Toaster Adventures

I am sitting at my desk, chatting with a co-worker when another walks up to me.
Employee - "I crashed my car."
Me - "Where?"
Employee - "Downstairs."
So we go to the basement and the employee's nice new Ford was jammed up against the basement's reinforcement pillar.
Employee - "Can you help me."
Me - "Sure."
Employee gets in.
Me - "Go forward slow."
Brake lights come on, tail lights come on, reverse lights come on.
Oh shit.

Bumper and front quarter panel are nicely removed with the screeching of metal.
Employee - "That wasn't reverse tee hee."
Me -  ...  "No, no it wasn't."
I move the items now on the ground.
The employee moves forward, then back...then forward, then back, then forward and back again and the sound of metal is echoing all across the street, and boom they are now free of the offending pillar.
Employee - "Thank gawd."
Me - "So call your insurance and tell them."
Employee - "Oh I did, I already called my husband he is on his way to see it."
BAM...
Screech.
Bang.
Toyota pickup with a collapsed right tire limps into the basement.
Employee - "Oh there he is."
He smashed into our outer barricade while texting her.
...Wonderful.
It was snowy that day but no excuses for dumb.


I go back upstairs fill out paperwork and begin working.

New employee - "Uhm...we need you in the kitchen."
Me - "Whats wrong?"
Employee - "Something is wrong with the toaster oven."
I walk in, the front of the toaster over has something clear and nasty baked onto it and its smoking. I unplug it.
Me - "What the fuck is that?"
Employee - "Someone taped a sign to the front that said 'Not to use it' because the settings were off."
Me, now realizing that this horrid stinking mass was clear tape that had nastied on the front of the super hot over. "Why did you use it?"
Employee with a totally straight face and happy as a clam, "I was baking modeling clay."
Me - "In our toaster oven?"
Employee - "Ya I don't have an oven at my apartment."

Hot Pockets

...we had another food disaster.

Caller-"I just want to tell you, the toaster oven lit on fire."
Me. I am thinking shit this is easy stuff-"Sparks fire or like your food got on the burner?"
Caller-"Flames"
Me-"What were you cooking?"
Caller-"A hot pocket."
Me-....fuck I already know what happened.
I go downstairs and they have a neatly cooked hotpocket with the gawd damn microwaveable cardboard sock still on it.
Me-"The microwave sock was still on it."
Employee-"Ya I figured that was the problem after the first one.... So I-"
Me-"The first what?"
Employee-"The first of the hotpockets. I cooked 2."
Me-"Where is the first one...?"
Employee-"I ate it."
Me-"That metallic coat and cardboard can't be good for you. I don't think that was a good idea."
Employee."I washed it off first..."