Recycled Chicken

I am at lunch.
I see fellow employees.
I sit down and we begin talking.
Not so smart employee #1 - "I noticed that the sink in our office wasn't draining."
Me - "Did you try the disposal?"
Employee - "Ug no I don't use those."
Me - "Why?"
Employee - "Too much energy is used. I just put my stuff in the compost."
Me - "That makes sense...wait, we don't have a compost."
Employee - "It looks like one."
Me - "What looks like one?"
Employee - "That bag behind the shelf. It's always got stuff in it."
Me...thinking hard. "The fucking cardboard recycle bag?"
Employee shrugs - "I don't know I didn't look."
Me - "It's not even in the kitchen!"

I get back to site. Yep. There is food of ALL kinds in the very very clearly identified "CARDBOARD RECYCLING" cubicle.
I call cleaning.
And I then realize that I have had four complaints of a strange smell coming from that area.
That would be the fucking chicken that was under an old packing box.
What a shithat.

The Little Goldfish That Could

And another gem.

I hear a spoon being mulched by the garbage disposal.
So I go to the kitchen.
No one.
The disposal is barely running and in safe mode a little audible alarm going off.
I come to it, unplug it and remove a very warped and bent fork.
Employee is no where to be seen.
Hmmmm.
I go sit down.

"Hey why won't the disposal work." I hear someone yell.
I get up and walk over.
Me - "There was a fork in it, I unplugged it."
Employee - "That was mine. I was cleaning my beta fish bowl and the glass marbles fell down the drain."
Me - "With a fork?"
Employee - "I was using the fork to get them out."
I now notice what the employee has in their hand.
The wet/dry vacuum.
Me - "You were NOT going to try to vacuum the marbles out were you?"
Employee - "No...."
They stand there.
I stand there.
10 seconds of them standing there.
Employee - "Its a wet/dry."

Me - "I am calling someone don't touch it."
Employee - "ok"
I call the plumber who comes in.
The fucking employee had dropped the beta fish in there. And aside from a torn fin he was alive!
That fucker was going to fork that fish out, then wet vac him out.
Well... I guess he was trying.

 Followup:
Mc Scrappy Pants is now on my desk.
I don't care if we are not supposed to have shit like this at our desk.
I saved the little bugger he is mine.