Take down the Walls...All of Them.

April 2009

"Take down this wall here." My boss is pointing at a structural wall. A weight wall that bears the weight of the floor above."
Me- "I am not sure we can do that. It's a weight bearing wall."
Boss- "Well if we can't lets remove the walls from these desks here and here." He points at the cubicles nearby.
Me- "Why?"
Boss- "I don't like that I can't see them when I walk by to say good morning after my jog."
 Me- "Ok but those desks are supported by the cubicle walls. We would need to change out the desks."
Boss- "Ok."
Me- "Ok as in don't do it? Or ok as in do it?"
Boss- "Let's do it. What do you think."
Me- "I think...you can just walk down the other side of the cubicles," I point to the other aisle that splits the cubes only 8 feet away, "down the main aisle and say hello."
Boss looks at the aisle. Looks at the cubicles...then back to the aisle. "Ya that's probably cheaper."
Me- "Ya...and we will still have 4 floors above our heads."

Comments Overheard in the Last Week

Here are just a couple from the last week-

"I have told you many times you can't go to the public restroom in our offices in your bare feet."

---

Employee 1-"I haven't washed my hair in over 3 months. I just put some baby powder in it. Can you tell?"

Employee 2-"Uhm...ya sort of."

---

Employee 1-"Printer isn't printing."

Silence from entire office.

Employee 1-"The PRINTER is not PRINTING."

Silence.

Employee 1-"The PRINTER IS no-"

"Read the fucking note on the side of it!" Employee 2 shouts.

Note states. "Printer isn't printing. No Paper."

---

Boss-"I need you guys to make sure to clean up the work areas after your done eating."

Employee 1 and 2-"Oh ok. But we haven't eaten anything in that area for a couple days."

Boss-"Oh because its taco bell and that's what your eating at your desk right now."

---

"I thought we had a meeting today?" Employee 1 asks.

"No that's why we sent out a reminder email to everyone." Employee 2 says.

"Oh I don't read those." Employee 1 explains.

"How did you know about the meeting in the first place then." Employee 2 asks.

Silence.

Skirting a Clam Chowder Disaster

I come into the office after grabbing some food for my lunchbreak. I open up a cupboard to grab a plate.
A clam chowder can half full is sitting in the cupboard. I stare at it...in amazement. A coworker sees me and says, "Oh that is so and so's and they were going to come back and get it."
Me - "When was that?"
Coworker - "About an hour ago."

Now the smell is already leaking out of the cabinet and I notice that spillage from someone pouring some of the chowder out has leaked down the side onto the cupboard so I toss and go to find the employee.
They are at their desk eating chips.
Me - "Was that your can of clam chowder?"
Employee - "Oh ya. I will eat it on my break."
Me - "That's 2 hours from now. It was sitting in the cupboard."
Employee - "Ya I didn't want to have it get smells from the other foods in the fridge. I didn't want it all right at lunchtime."
Me - "Right but its clam chowder. The stuff stinks, and I am not sure but it is probably best not to let it just sit out in a cupboard."
Employee - "Oh ya I see. Go ahead and toss it."
Me - "First you can get off your ass and do it normally. But this time I already threw it away."
Employee, now angry - "You threw it away?"
Me - "Yes. It's fucking clam chowder sitting out for over an hour."
Employee - "I could have still eaten it..."
Me - "Could is the operative word. Cause its thrown away now. Use the fridge from now on."
Employee, who is now hurt at my tone - "I don't see what the big issue is."
Me - "Seafood left out in a warm environment, in a cupboard with clean plates doesn't strike you as odd?"
Employee - "No I do it at home all the time."
Me - "This is not your home."

Special Delivery

I come in to work and I have an IM that states "We turned in some computers yesterday."
I see no new computers. I spend about 20 minutes looking around.
A sudden and horrible thought occurs to me. I go to our little used secondary office door and peek through the glass. Two laptops in their bags resting against the OUTSIDE of the door. In a public hallway. Ripe for theft.

I IM the person back. "Dude they were just sitting there in the hallway."
Employee - "Ya we knocked on the door."
Me - "Did anyone answer."
Employee - "No that's why we left them in the hallway."
Me - "You know we all get off at five right?"
Employee - "Ya. It was like 5:30. We passed one of your people as they biked home."
Me - "Then... why did you knock?"
Employee - "I just... thought someone might have stuck around."
Me - "But you didn't stick around?"
Employee - "No, I had to go."

Jesus. Its like 3200 bucks worth of stuff laying out to be taken.

I am Error

Bahahahaha.
Here is today's

Employee - "My password doesn't work?"
Me - "Which one?"
Employee:"The one to get into the main site."
Me - "What error do you get?"

Empoyee - "Error?"
Me - "Yes does it say wrong password, or no user exists?"
Employee: - "It doesn't say anything."
Me - "Just loads a white screen?"
Employee - "No I get in and then I can't do anything."
Me - "There has to be an error, or a white page. What do you 'get into' as you put it?"
Employee - "The site. Then I can't do anything."
Me - "Then its working. If you can get in."

Employee - "Oh then why can't I do anything."
Me - "Click the 'continue'" button in the center of the screen."
Employee - "Ok. But its not taking me anywhere. It just loads up a screen with links on the left."
Me - "That's the site."
Employee - "So what do I do?"
Me - "Have you read the training manual and viewed the videos I sent you?"
Employee - "Oh. No not yet."
Me - "That's pretty important as they show you what links to hit."
Employee - "I should probably watch them then."
Me - "Ya. Probably."

Case of the Missing Disks

My phone rings. It's another boss from a different group. "Hey do you have a spare minute."
Me - "Sure."
Boss - "How many installs have we had of X software in the last 2 months?"
Me - "We don't run installs. IT does. We do Tech Support for desktop issues."
Boss - "Can you check?"
Me (puzzled) - "I can try to find out."

It takes me hours to decipher the speak I get back from our IT team. They are an amazing bunch but are such nerds as to be called nerds by hardcore nerds.

I call the boss back. "14 installs of software X."
Boss - "Hmm. Ok my information says 3."
Me - "Where did you find that?"
Boss - "I counted the missing disks."
Me - "We don't install by disk. We install by installing the software from the server."
Boss - "Why?"
Me - "We can install remotely, check installs and keep track of serials to make sure we don't misuse the amount of copies we have."
Boss - "That makes sense. Why are the disks missing?"
Me - "IT has those. I do not know. Have you asked them?"
Boss - "No not yet."
That boss... is the boss for IT ladies and gentlemen. Communication in my office is at an all time high.

Please Hold

We had a major project and a crap ton of calls coming in. So I jump on to help the customer service reps.

I get an IM from a boss. "Hey let's touch base after this next call."
The call lasts 20 minutes. I IM them back, "Sorry you still want to touch base?"
Boss - "No it's fine."

20 calls later I get an email.
"Lets touch base."

I get off the phone and walk into boss's office. "What's up?"
Boss - "We busy today?"
Me - "Ya. The project emails went out."
Boss - "Oh ya."
Me - "So what did you need?"
Boss - "Oh just wondering why we were so busy."
Me - "Ah. Ok then. Well I will get back on calls then."
Boss - "Has the email impacted calls?"
Now I stop here. What the hell kind of drugs is this person taking?
Me - "Yes. More calls."
Boss - "Ok well if you need anyone on phones get them asap."

It gets busier so I put a couple more people on phones per our plan . I have been answering calls for 4 hours and I need to pee.
I come back and the incoming call queue is at 40...40! Up from like 12.
I have an IM from my boss. "Hey I noticed 2 other people were on phones. I pulled them off. I couldn't figure out why they were on. IM me if you need them back on!"